u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
