I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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