he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
