I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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