It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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