We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
