two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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