Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
