Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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