Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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