it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
