How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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