I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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