He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
did i just pee glitter
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