According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
