Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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