The brown eye won't let me do that either.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I supernannyed him into submission
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
