After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
