i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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