There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
