haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
