I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
