Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
