we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
