I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
