Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
