i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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