WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
