I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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