Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
