today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
