I cannot find my penis.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
