I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
