Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
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