so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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