woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
