There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
