whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
