i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
