He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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