Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
