ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
