Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
