Quick, to the slutcave!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Randomize
