you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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