My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
