tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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