I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
