Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
