She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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