Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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