how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
