also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
