I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
